Etsuko Sohma

Siblings don't usually get a long much. But today, I talked to my brothers.. like truthfully. It was one of those moments where we were both calm and peaceful. We just had to talk to each other. It was compelling? I'm not sure but it was... refreshing. It was a long time since me and my brother sat down and talked because we don't usually like each other. Well, this time it's different. We talked about some random things and it was kinda fun. I love my brothers... but they just don't think so. I don't think that ANYONE thinks so... but I guess I can leave it that way. Some things are meant to be left alone and some things are destined.
[Oh yeah, I'm a fate believer kind of person. I believe in karma and everything. I believe that everything was destined to be the way it is]
I'm just so weird sometimes.. thinking the most insane subjects. I wonder... the eyes that are staring out on people right now... would I have the same face the next life? Would I be the same person the next time I stare out of these eyes? It's so endless and I doubt anyone can answer my question because... even I don't know how to get it out. The eyes staring out but not able to see throughout someone. It's weird... and an interesting subject to research.
I guess this is it for today.

Today was a rainy Thursday but... I actually liked today. I didn't have to walk home with Cindy today and the weather was too perfect to miss out. I decided to visit that church again. It was a nice simple church.. but what really attracted me there? I don't know but I know that it was very... unique in its own way. When I got there... I suddenly thought of him again. But, I forgot it in a instant given to the fact that it was raining. I got home... but just recently, Pink has a new song out. It's called Sober and it reminds me of him. I've been careful laying everything out but there's always one person knowing.

I guess it's possibly impossible to forget or ignore the fact that he's still out there somewhere and that I'm probably gonna see him again.

Today, this entry is dedicated to Yuheng. He was a nice best friend for a while back there. He understood me, felt what I felt.. but yet, I felt us distancing ourselves from each other... We each had our own troubles.. pouring our secrets into a stranger's hands... but yet...we know that what we are saying to each other are true words. I hope he believes that... But here I am.. frustrating him and me... both of us in pain... and maybe.. just maybe.. I just lost another true friend in this world. I don't know myself anymore.. what have I become? a monster destined to hurt another person's feelings? I've became doubtful of myself.. something that shouldn't have happened.
It's true that I thought I had low blood pressure.. also true that I believe that I have a blood leak somewhere in my head. Why? Well, it's natural instincts that my brain tells me this information every time S hits my head really hard. J always makes these comments about how S whacks my head too hard... Well, what she saying is coming true. S is hitting me too hard.. no difference from abuse. I don't fight back.. why? I don't know myself.... maybe it's because something is tugging inside of me saying:
She's probably angry today, let her be. Let her whack you and she'll feel better maybe. Don't worry about your head... it'll heal.. what's a little more pain to your head if all you're going to do is forget it in the end? I hate short term memory.
One thing is happening to you, could be the biggest moment of your life, and you forget it. Who could understand the pain of trying to remember it through the vague mass of swirls in the head? Well, I certainly can't.. and so far.. I can't find anyone to help me. I help others.. but do you see others trying to help me? Try to open up to me? All I feel is abuse from depressants... or anger issues. They take it out on me because of what exactly? Because I'm Joyce. Doesn't matter, I'm Joyce and she'll forgive me. Well, I don't think that right now.
Tears are pouring out of my eyes because the person I thought really understood me.. really did not. He is no more than a online buddy now. No more best friend, no more discussions. but yet, people don't think what I'm saying here is true. Well, I doubt this too but if I didn't realize the liquid fogging up my eyes... I wouldn't be typing this up. Yuheng was a really great friend. I was happy to have known him... for him to be my friend once.. and I believe that once is enough.
I hate burdening people. Why? Because I know that my burdens are extremely heavy.. heavier than what I have carried... and I know that no average person would be able to hold it up. I thought that Yuheng could've been the one.. but I noticed that he has been burdening me instead and made me worse than what I was... And here I am.. a new batch of tears, unable to see through the fog. I try to make people happy and they suck the happiness out of me. I gloom people, the effect wears off. I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe someone would be kind enough to read what I've been through... but how do I know that that person is out there planning ways to kill me? All this stress about high school, parents taking over my life and friends... Don't they realize what they're doing to me?
Of course not.. nothing bothers Joyce. I'm happy Joyce... not the kind of person to stay mad at anything for too long. Don't they wonder why? It's because I have short term memory and I can't remember what I was mad at them for. If I'm lucky enough, maybe I'll remember 10 years from now. But trying to forget things and remembering some.. that's a hard task I have to uphold.
Here in the little corners of my heart, I also hope that no one that I know is reading this blog. Who knows what they could be doing right now? Spreading rumors? Gossiping? Never trust anyone. But yet... I may be spreading my secrets to everyone in the world out there! I'm tired of trying to hold so many burdens, Yuheng.. I really am... but yet...
you're never there when I need you yet I'm there when you need me sometimes.
Past memories I don't want to remember comes back to me like I'm watching a movie.... but the things I truly want to remember comes up like finding a white hand knit sweater amongst a large herd of sheep, is it not? Why doesn't anyone care about my feelings once? They don't care about me when I once cared for them and that makes me angry.. typing this out doesn't help me one bit but yet I still do it.. why? Because I'm afraid that one day, I would forget... and then.. I would have no one to turn to... no one at all...
I don't have anyone I can truly trust... and I believe it wouldn't be possible anymore... so here I am.. I would find a way to change myself into a completely different person.. making sure that no one.. no one would be able to make me cry again.

Sometimes, it's hard to confirm the feelings of a 13 year old girl. It could be anything and yet, no one could understand except that special someone. Adults such as guidance counselors and therapists always say that they understand what you are feeling because they may have once experienced it. But they are lying right through their teeth. Who doesn't lie? The child would feel that telling the adult will not benefit them in any way but yet, they still explain and tell. They don't care because telling them just means an extra mouth to stuff... telling them won't lessen the burden. Maybe if they think that the child will feel better telling a person their own age.. a person that isn't impatient.. then maybe, the chances of the child getting better in mental status is higher.
Yet... they don't realize it. They keep digging into the child's past.. digging and digging.. They aren't afraid of the consequences though. The child may feel right through friends, online friends, imaginary characters, or just plainly... themselves. It has been proven that teens in depression can see themselves in their dreams.. seeing how many burdens they have and knots in their souls.
Therefore... adults should not interfere too much with the next generation's lives... They do not understand, pretending they do.. or thinking that they do. But yet.. they gain their knowledge through books, their own experiences, and their stories. They're not the ones experiencing it now.. not the ones realizing what the new technology brings them.. the troubles and everything.
Me? Well, being the eldest is hard. My mom and dad seem to lessen their anger on me. I always thought that they don't really treat me the same way as my brothers because I'm a girl and they're sexist. But then I thought again, Mom has been treating me pretty nicely these past few years when I entered 7th grade. But then, everything crashed. My parents forgot my 13th birthday.. almost everyone that knew my birthday forgot... I lost self confidence, my self esteem lowered but yet, no one noticed. The pain behind a smile is something that not all people would realize.
No one has ever taken the time to know me.. to actually distinguish my feelings. Of course, not everyone does that. But I do.. I try to distinguish feelings.. and that's how I keep clear of someone's path if they're angry, tired or any other negative mood. I learn.. and watch. Except, I don't see anyone else but me doing it. This tires me. I can't sleep. I have to think of something to do or I will bore myself to death. That is why I hold burdens and that's why I listen. People tell me what's troubling them, I try helping them solve it. Give them ideas or something. I use the free time that I have to help think of ideas. Not that I have any experience myself, but I want to help lessen the distress in this world.
Music was made to lessen the stress given to the innocent human beings but yet, it also releases more stress. Movies were made, technology evolved... everything was complicated into the next generation's lives and therefore, we live in a uncivilized society. People are only seeing what they want to see and turn a blind eye to what they don't want to see. Therefore, they create trouble between problems. If they known sooner, saw the early symptoms... maybe.. just maybe.. everything would be better. But yet, no one knows the future?
So now here I am, wasting all this time to type out my thoughts and I finally got a small part of me out. I love to help but I would also like it if I found that one person that I truly trust to tell these secrets to. I may have a supernatural memory... but I'm trying to forget a lot of the sad times... therefore.. I burst and get short term memory.. very short... I may not even remember what I did 5 hours ago. So, I really have to speak my mind. Yet, I don't have a friend within my mind radius to talk to and even if I have a friend within mind radius.. I don't have a true and faithful friend. Those are hard to find. I may be one of them or I may be one of the fakes. Who knows and who cares what I am? They don't care and they know they don't care. They just need entertainment in life and I am it. I am the happiness radiator. That's it. Therefore.. I should learn to change myself and my personality?
I don't know anymore and neither does anyone else. It's my own problems and I try to solve it myself until that someone comes. I try to mind my own business and let's hope others do the same. This is it for now I suppose. Have a great day!
---Elections Day ---
Obama or McCain?

Something is terribly wrong with me. I do not know what though. My head keeps getting dizzy and it hurts all the time. It hurts when I　ｌｅａｓｔ　ｅｘｐｅｃｔ　ｉｔ　ｔｏ　ｆｒｏｍ　ｗｈａｔ　Ｉ　ｋｎｏｗ．　Ｒｉａ　ｓａｙｓ　Ｉ　ｇｏｔ　ｌｏｗ　ｂｌｏｏｄ　ｐｒｅｓｓｕｒｅ，　ｌｉｋｅ　ｈｅｒ．　Ｈｏｗ　ｄｏ　Ｉ　ｈａｖｅ　ａ　ｌｏｗ　ｂｌｏｏｄ　ｐｒｅｓｓｕｒｅ? I don't know myself but I'm getting worried. My bones hurt all the time. Sometimes, I even think I'm hallucinating. Could it be? I think I'm going crazy. Maybe I shouldn't have done all those "sleep late at night cause I love to read" nights. Could I still have the sleep deprivation?

Yes, I had sleep deprivation and my parents never knew about it. I kept it a secret. From what I remember, my chest was in deep pain. Like it was about to explode. I didn't know what to expect and I found out that I can't sleep. I was on the computer, late at night, doing whatever that I thought of doing at that time. I can't remember it now. Now, that I think back, I know that it was because of depression. My chest hurts, too many thoughts, sleep deprivation.. depression. How do I know? I almost made a report on it but then, felt no need.

Right now, I feel like my head is about to burst. I feel sick to the stomach and yet, I don't feel that way. Are my hormones messed up? My cells are tangled up is some kind of mess? My brain was being ambushed? I do not know but I don't want to know. I don't want to know. Inside, I know that I'm denying the fact that I'm sick and I need to see a doctor. Maybe I have mental issues for all I care. Oh wells, Happy lunar day =)


中秋节快乐
--Joyce H.

Today, I just had a nightmare. I thought my family was dead...

I was having a nice day with my family. I don't even know if my parents were my parents but there was no mistaking my brothers.

It was night. It was time to sleep. I went to my parents room to say good night. They were not there.

Then the phone rang and I picked it up. My "father" [who doesn't look like my father] said that he and mother are going to die soon. But.. he told me to bar the windows.. o.0

He said that my mother already died and they're trying to find a way to come back.

I was so afraid and my brothers were annoying me so much that I yelled. Then my brother had a scared face on him, staring behind me. I dragged my brothers away and I saw the gun. I was doing some kind of martial arts but in the end, my brother died...

Very scary.. I don't think I can ever go to sleep again...

Yesterday morning, I woke up, startled, from a dream. A dream that woke me up in tears...

I was 14 years old.. I got a summer job... in China...
I was a part time worker in a company called 言氏集團... the surroundings are so similar to the chinese drama, The Best Selling Secrets. But I knew that it was not...

言英明 was the head boss of this company and of many more. I was somewhat a lucky star to him. I was known as the 开心之人... I was to bring luck to the company as long as I was happy...

The location shifts and I was walking away from 言氏集團 and going into a friend's house. I was suddenly talking about going against the company because something happened that made me want to rebel. I tried to convince everyone to quit with me and rebel... I had most of the company convinced. Then, as I was trying to tell 武紀勇 to quit with me... it all happened so fast.

He was going into the elevator as I was shouting to him, "武紀勇, remember!!!" in chinese. He was like, "知道了。。。" and he called me a bitch as the elevator doors closed...

Sad music starts to settle in and I slowly walked away...
It was raining outside, I was crying silently...
OLs watched me leave, female coworkers had sad expressions on their faces.. but I didn't see it.

The company went down in business in 3 days... I was nowhere to be seen and 武紀勇 was being blamed for it and was going to be fired... I was up at the roof of the company... staring at the sky.

Securities found me but they were intrigued by my sudden interest in the sky and sat there with me, staring.

Soon, all securities were gone. Then, I woke up...

I woke up in tears.

I need time... Today is the 8th grade graduation ceremony at New Utretch High School. Right now, I feel so hurt... and sad. I don't even get to see the happy face he'll have on on the last day of school. It hurts me deeply but I cannot cry... I don't know why, I just can't cry. I'm not able to. How I hope that I can go back in time. This makes me feel even worse. I can't deny it. I never even liked him.
He may just have been a partner in dreams. He may have just been one of those typical 8th graders that I've met in my first year in middle school. I just think that maybe.. just maybe.. we could've just been friends... at the very least. But, we were not. We were just strangers to each other. That is terrible. We hardly know each other. Oh well, who knows what can happen now?
I don't know what else I can do to erase my pain. I think this will be it for now. Thank you [whoever you are] for reading! =D

Today, I have been in the computer lab for like 3 hours. I was stuck there doing work. Well, it was a lot better than staying in class for the day. Today is a Monday and it feels like the last day of school which is the 26th. Thought that I finished my work and I can write in this blog for once. The last time I've written in here has to be around like 1 month ago. I have many things that I really wanted to say.
Anyways... he left me... He went to Korea for vacation. The last time I probably saw him was around June 13th. I can't believe that I hadn't been paying attention of his whereabouts. I just thought that he was just sick until the Graduation Awards Ceremony came. I was helping out because I'm totally not the senior there... and the 8th graders were all like, "He went to Korea..." That was when my stomach started to clench. I haven't ate anything that day. I was just... there... It was sad being around the school. I know that he's in Korea for vacation but who actually knows? Maybe he's staying there for the rest of his life! I feel really sad these days and I really don't know who to talk to...
There's a lot more to say... but I don't feel like posting this here. I know that no one actually reads what my blog has to say and I don't care. I'll just keep writing this blog. Who knows when I might die and suddenly, everyone figures out that they all didn't know me as well as they thought? Oh well...
There are new pictures though...

It's been such a long time since I wrote in here. How long has it been? 2 months?
I have been so busy worrying about myself that I totally forgot about expressing my feelings on Blogger. Not many people read my blog and I'm glad for that. That way, my friends won't be able to know what I've really been through and in their eyes, I can remain the little "simple-minded" girl that doesn't complicate things but make things sound a lot easier than they are.
I am very complex and not really that "simple-minded."
I fell in love many times, I never thought that this time, it can hit so dreadfully...
I love him... terribly but I know that he doesn't feel the same way.
My 8th grade friend, Mercy, has been asking me who it is. How am I suppose to answer her when I'm not sure how he feels about me? This feels terrible and I hate it. Who doesn't?
He's in my academy and graduating on June 26th. What do I do then? I told Michelle about my problems but I know that she has her own problems too. I don't want to bother her anymore. This is stressing. I wonder why I couldn't just forget about him and go on with life? At least right now, I still know hot to smile and I think that matters the most =)
Anyways, summer is almost here.
I feel happy somehow... Oh yeah!

I thought that today would be fun. Ever heard of the unlucky 13? Well, I just turned 13 and guess what? Today is my unlucky day. My parents never forgot my birthday... turns out.. they forgot about it... completely...
I feel really bad... I feel like I have lost all hope already...
So far... I don't think this pain is going to go and I don't think that I may be able to smile again....

Today is the 4th, April 4th.
Today is Ria's birthday... or was her birthday. She lives in England so there's like a 5 hour difference between here, New York, and England. Her birthday is like more than 20-21 hours ago.
Other than that, today is also my Grandma's birthday! I just found out because at first, I thought that her birthday is April 28th until my mom said that it was the Old Calendar. I was surprised at first though...
Anyways, tomorrow is my birthday!
I can't wait.
I posted it on aim that tomorrow is my birthday and I don't accept late birthday presents so, it doesn't matter. I didn't tell anyone my birthday so.. not really much happy birthday wishes. But I don't really care! I ate what I wanted and everything. On April 10th, I'm going on a trip to Medieval Times. I get to watch the knights fight and whoever wins, wins the princess's hand in marriage.
Right now, I am so pissed off at my brother, John Huang... I wish I was not in the same family as him... I so wish...
He's so annoying... I wish that one of us will disappear. I feel so..... angry.
Right before my birthday and this is what happens....
My friend, Giselle in 7D, she sent me scary videos that were posted on Youtube. I'm cool with but really... why before my 13th birthday?
Everyone says that 13 is a unlucky number so lots of people took it as their own lucky number.. I am so ready to curse.
I really want to do something for who I love but I can't do it.... somehow....
It feels really awkward right now... you know... being close to him so I'm afraid... of him... somehow

I am still not over it... I am so not over it...
Anyways, it must be boring hearing my life stories over and over again....
But, I am extremely sad... for some certain reason...
I found out that he's graduating in less than 12 weeks. How can I survive my senior year in middle school then?
I got what my parents want but I didn't get what I want. I want to sing, dance, anything to cheer me up...
But Ming, from my class, cheers me up most of the time. That's cool with me!
I told Lillian, my classmate and my walking-home companion, that I cannot trust anyone in this State with my secrets. The only people I trust is Ryan & Ria from England and Michelle [aka Michi] from California because they make me feel especially good for some reason. I have nothing to hide from them~
I'm still talking to Lillian and I have never told her anything too personal.
In fact, I haven't met anyone who have met my dark side. ^^
It's almost my birthday! My birthday is this Saturday, the 4th. Altogether, it's April 5th!
No one in my whole entire school knows my birthday because I kept it especially secretive. I feel sad that no one will be there to wish me happy birthday so, I guess I'm a big loner. I know that someone online will wish me happy birthday! Somehow....
I know that tomorrow will be somehow better. I never really talked to anyone like this especially since I won't know who you are. I wish that if I had the power to read people's minds and steal people's hearts, I would take my crush's heart and read his mind....
IM me at lboth9 on aim or add me on myspace, http://www.mypsace.com/aznanimefreakx_joycee
I'm really sad that I cannot even cry!
That's how sad I am... not being able to express my sadness or cry it out....
I didn't tell anyone in my school or any of my friends about these secrets. I hope that one day, the person I love will be able to read this and truly understand my love and pain...You can say.. that I feel really bad for myself... for losing one chance after another after all these months. I hate myself!
I have low self-esteem, nothing I can handle...
2 more days till my birthday and counting~
I am reading, The Secret Life of a Teenage Siren. If you know about the Greek sirens on how they attract men to their deaths by luring them in by the music. I really want to be like Roxy in this book. She turned into a Siren by the age of 16 and has this magical flute that can make any man fall for her. I haven't finished it yet either....
I really want to talk to him but I found out that I don't have the courage to...
I also feel that I am having really bad problems lately... like multiple headaches in the morning, stomachaches, heart beating real fast and hurts, too! I feel so bad...
Thank the gods that tomorrow is Friday!
I can feel these vines surrounding me... trying to close me in... I want to let them close around me, hiding my true self... otherwise... I can never be truly happy.
That just made me sound like Yukino from Kare Kano his and her Circumstances.
I think this is all I want to write right now.. this is it...
Thank you for reading my life stories again!
I really can't wait for the cherry blossoms to bloom quickly... how I wish that there were cherry blossom trees at my school...

I have been bored all these days until I have found this Chinese/Taiwanese, or whatever it is, show called Chu Liu Xiang 2007 or 楚留香传奇 in chinese. I only watched it with chinese subs and it was in mandarin! That made me aggravated because I'm cantonese! This sucks though...


This is the last episode but I thought that at the very end, it was funny! I really want a second season to come out with the same actors and everything... that would be just great!!!!! 楚留香 in the show is just so funny and great!!!!!!!!!!

To me, life is a dare.
I just have some more sites in which I can tell you about.
Myspace:
www.myspace.com/etsuko_stories_help
This is a site that is used to help people!

I am still not over the heart broken business. You may think that I'm a pretty stubborn girl which I am! I feel like posting in here today because I wanted to tell you all about the stories I have written!
My Stories Of My Life In A Imaginative Way
The above is a link to my stories that I have written. I do not know if they are good enough but I hope that I can get some comments on it! I have written these stories with feelings inside of me that can help heal my broken heart little by little. They will help me pick up those tiny little pieces of my heart that I cannot see myself. I hope that you can read them and please, go to the sidebar and click on the first parts for each story to actually read the full story!
If there is anything you would want to say, send it to etsukostories@gmail.com and I don't care if it's offensive or not! I hope that you can also tell me where to improve and everything!!

I have been really busy and should be doing my science projects but I find that, my heart doesn't want to move right now...
I am really sad, sad that I should forget, give up, and feel this... feeling.
I don't want to be sad. I want to be cheerful, to match my name, to match my true self... but my true self is ugly....
I want to cry but... with so many people around me, cheering me on, smiling at me, how can I cry?
They did not know that the world has ended for me, they do not know that my heart is gone, they do not know anything...
I want to go, go freely and with no regrets. I want to see more and learn more from my mistakes, but I can't do that without a heart. My heart has been broken into little pieces that you can't even see it and that's why my heart is gone. I don't know what to do anymore...
I am tired, let me go...
I figured that this light is too bright for me... too bright, too cheerful, too sad....
What can I do? I have family and friends that smile all the time and here I am, looking all cheerful on the outside but actually really empty inside.
Can I actually give up?
Without him, it's like a end to me, end to my life, end to my love.
How can I keep on loving my friends and family without him?
I may sound emo but inside, I am just heart broken...


Who can heal my broken heat?

I have been really busy today. I have been busy for almost a week. I don't think that I can stand this anymore...
I'm getting more and more tired as the day goes by and I have so many projects due...
I hate 7th grade a lot...
This is it for now. Hope you all have a wonderful Valentine's Day, maybe missing the time to post the blog on that certain day~

新年快乐 共喜发财 红包拿来
Today is Chinese New Years and where all the young little boys and girls get their red envelopes! Get your hands out and get your money, we are heading off! *runs out the door and halfway there*
Oh yeah, I still have to do this....
Every year, Chinese people have this holiday as a greeting to a new year full of riches, surprises, and love! New beginnings start today and hope that everyone has a wonderful Chinese New Year with lots of money to take home!!!!!

Today is the day before chinese new years! I am so not going to school tomorrow!!! DOUBLE CELEBRATION FOR THAT!!! I just love to skip school~
It's much better if there was no school to start with! I need to think up of stories for my other blog, www.etsukostories.blogspot.com.
Well, I am going to say this, 新年快乐,共喜发财,红包拿来.
That means, Happy new year, wishing you a properous year, and give me a red envelope please.
I hope that after Chinese New Year, everything can go back to normal and be alright! It's been so much trouble~ I'm going somewhere tomorrow so, I may not post tomorrow~

Today was a amazing day. I had to write 共喜发财for my science teacher today and it was fun! I actually learned how to write it and it was fun! Chinese New Years is this Thursday and I'm not going to school on that day! I was late for Spanish but I completed my test on time and I know that I didn't get a perfect 100%. I had Social Studies in which my teacher was using the smartboard for the lessons. Math was in a hurry and I was about to get a homework pass when Mr. Feil's class came in. Mr. Feil is the school's dean. There's lunch which was really crowded and so not fun! After lunch was science in which my class took class pictures! I hardly smiled and I think I closed my eyes for the first shot... Then, I had a double period of Language Arts or English if you would call it. The first and second period, we suddenly had the assistant principle of the academy, Mrs. McGarr to come in. She told us about the events about my classmates involving a knife, lighter, and witnesses and accomplices. I never knew of it until after it has happened and it was terrible. I never knew that there was such a doing in my school rather than my own class!!! Then, I had my last class of the day which was Home Career Skills (HCS), which I took a test that I think I have totally failed in. I have other homework that I have due tomorrow so, I am writing this quickly!
I had all my stories on my http://www.etsukostories.blogspot.com/ and it was cool! I sent the URL to some of my friends and they said that it was cool... deciding that they may be lying~
I have to take a shower now but I have to tell you a few things first...
Jordan, this boy, was yelling and cursing at me today. I hate him for that...
I never believed that there could be someone that I can hate more than this other kid but now, I found this person~
I feel so sad because he was cursing at me like that. I didn't want to! I don't like him and here he is, cursing at me like I was all wrong! I'm the one with the one sided love right now! I didn't even tell him now...
Then, there is Jordan thinking that he is the only person in the world that I can love...
If you ever met me, you would trust your instincts and not to like me~
I am ugly, ugly, ugly and that's the only word that describes me!
That's it for today... please read my stories and talk to me!!!

Today was ok but it was a bit of stressful. Today, a guy that says he has a crush on me, talked to me. I never met him or heard the sound of his voice. All I know is that he had a crush on two of my other friends and they let him down. Now, he says that he has a crush on me... That can be very annoying because I don't want a boyfriend, not with my face and body.... I can't believe that I said, "I love you," to him yesterday... I guess that was what I really wanted to say, straight from my heart but I don't want to become a burden...

I have so much troubles these days that I can't believe that I'm worrying over love... i don't see much readers on this blog so I don't really care what I post. One day, when all my friends and family see this blog spot, they will know what I have been through. I still have math homework and need to study for Spanish and Home Career Skills test tomorrow. I'm so tired today because I slept at... 11:30pm yesterday. Just to tell all of you, I live in New York, I'm Asian, I love anime, and I'm a girl. My real name is Joyce and I love to write stories all over the web which you can find some of my stories at www.etsukostories.blogpot.com. I think that's where my stories are... if you actually go there, tell me if it is~ I will try to change this post as soon as I can! I love music and I'm listening to something on Fresh 102.7 right now...

I guess that's it for today~ Have fun browsing and here I am, ending this post for today!

Today is a very busy, tiring and boring day~ I am listening to Beautiful Liars, I think...
You must be thinking of who I am and why you must read this...
Well, I can tell you that my name is Etsuko Sohma. Now, you must wonder what name that is~ Well, this is my Japanese name. I named myself this name, if you can understand what I mean. Etsuko means "joyful child" whereas, I think I have gave myself the wrong name. I have not been joyful and been rather bored too...
I hope that I can put something up worthwhile on this site too...
I hope that today that it's going to be a good day for me as well as all of you~

Important dates:
2/11/08: Braces Appointment (Yes, I have braces)
2/11/08: School's Sweetheart Dance (I really hate February...)
2/14/08: Valentine's Day (I dare say that I hate/dislike this holiday
2/29/08: Leap year/ HW due for Science/ end of February (YES!)
Now listening to Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson on Radio Disney~

I am a very sealed up person~ I love to write stories at times, read stories/books/manga, listen to music and sing to it, going online to all my sites, and talking to all my friends online! I haven't figured out what I would like to put on this blog but I think that this may be my online journal~ I love to have something like this which I already have at xanga but it's not the same here~ No one will hardly find this and this will be secret! I hate days at school because they give me so much stress! I can't stand it~ I think I may be growing white hair and with my age, I shouldn't!

I'm listening to See You Again by Miley Cyrus on Radio Disney right now~ I really love to read manga, watch anime, and listen to music! My annoying brothers, 2, are having a unnecessary fight which is not even worth listening to it....
I feel so bored so I'm providing some ways to contact me:
AIM: wisegirljoy
MSN: etsuko_sohma@hotmail.com
MYSPACE: www.myspace.com/aznanimefreakx_joycee
GMAIL: azngirlhuang520@gmail.com
etsukostories@gmail.com <--------------------please send everything here~
PAGII: www.pagii.com/144784
www.pagii.com/21902
There are more but I think that I forgot them all...
Please have fun reading my blog!!!