Etsuko Sohma

Ah.. god damned. Shouldn't have let my mom know about the stress related problems. Now mom and dad are pestering me non stop about what kind of stress I have just so that my mom can "say" something tomorrow while meeting with my guidance counselor or social worker? Ah.. have to say, nice job.

This is just stupid. Shouldn't have broke down like that last May.

Well, I always wanted to meet celebrities.. chinese ones that is. American ones... I can just forget about cause they have nothing that I am interested in.

I feel like I can communicate better with chinese for some reason even if english is my stronger point.

Think I'm done for today. Sleepy.

It's always the same. I always go back. I always do. I feel broken. Torn open. Naked. Alone.


How long will this last?

I miss him. I admit it, I never let him go. He's still in there. I thought it was infatuation. It is still infatuation. Then.. why won't he leave? Why should he haunt my dreams? Why should he chase me down?

Everywhere I turn now, I hear his name, I see his name. I figured that... he's going to the same high school as me. I hate this. I tried talking to Yuheng about this. But I didn't want to... be the one that spoils his happiness. I don't want to be like that.

I want to have someone by my side to talk to. Maybe someone like Lillian... maybe Joan... but... they never seem interested in what I do. They're just there.

Miss McGarrity once told me that I'm popular. I contradicted her and said I was not. I am not. I'm just a pitiful person out there. Laying... waiting... praying...

I wish him happiness whenever I can. I do not pay attention to other things. He's always there. I never let him go. I know all this love will not be returned.

But I just can't let go.

I hardly write here anymore. It's almost the end of 8th grade. I can't wait for it to be over. High school will keep me from home a bit longer.

My brother, he had a Earth day project that was due the previous Monday and he tells me tonight. A week after and at the last moment. I have homework to do too. His so called brother won't help out. What am I to do? Both at the same time? It's hard. I lead a hard life.