Etsuko Sohma

I think this is the first time I may have posted twice on the same day. Having your father laugh and tell a joke in your crying face when your serious... is this the reality you people want? Not the typical tv reality... the real one. I think I can cry the whole week just remembering my father laughing at my face. Especially when your mother doesn't really care. All she does is get angry at your face.

Today... I just realized just how many people I can really rely on. Just one. If I can be reborn again, I wish I was anything but a human.

It's been so long since I've had such a immature fight with my brother. As always, it's always him that has the worst attitude and temper. Apparently, he's up to new tricks as to spitting and pulling my internet connection. I'm at the end of my patience. I cannot be calm anymore in this house. This dungeon. I want to leave.

Apparently, my best friend's mom doesn't allow my best friend to be near me. Her mom says it's because I have some kind of contagious disease. So far, from what I know, I only have asthma. If asthma is contagious, cut my head. If my best friend's mom knows some kind of sickness about me that me and my best friend doesn't know, then I would like to know what it is. My mom is telling me to stay away from my best friend too now because she can't stand her mom. Amazing .

Would I lose this best friend?

That song is called Time to Love Listen 2. It's a Korean song sang by Supernova ft. T-Ara.

It's a really great song and I just wanted to share it [;

Today, I weighed myself. In less than a month, I lost approximately 10 pounds. WTH.


High school is frustrating but I didn't know it was so hard. Today, I felt rather depressed. Sad. As if something is going to happen. It's just that I don't know what.

Today... my dad called home asking me why didn't I bring my brothers out to the festival at 8th avenue today. I told him because I didn't want to walk. The conversation went down... and I mean way down... he called me a good for nothing.. I almost.. laughed... but I remembered that I'm portraying the Joyce that appears only in front of my parents... I hung up on him.

Me.. a good for nothing that got into one of the top 3 high schools. The one who put her whole heart into getting good results from this... in the end, this being is called a good for nothing. So all those things I've done for my parents... no matter what it was, mail reading, searching for things they wanted, shopping (something I detest so much) and more.. I've done it all for nothing. It seems like they never really forgave me for that dear event that happened 7 years ago... it seems like I'm not the only one that's impatient... or the easily agitated one.

Tonight, when he gets back, maybe he'll start scolding me again. Yet he forgets the simplest fact that he owes me money. I'm quite surprised. He's not a good father. Sexist.

Just because I'm a girl, do I have to watch my body weight? Do I have to stay in the kitchen? Am I really not allowed in "men's" business? Self proclaimed men's business at that.

It's all lies. To lie to me. So that I can help them. Help them in the end. But they're pushing me to my limit. And once they surpass that limit... there's no chance or hope that I will ever help them once I am able to live on my own.

I no longer want to burden Yuheng. I think it's about time I should take care of my own problems again. Ever since a year ago, I bursted in front of him... I've been carelessly laying my burdens on top of him. Considering that he's going to stuyvesant now, I definitely don't want to trouble him no more. I will learn to concentrate on these dark matters once again by myself.

Hopefully... Yuheng solves his too. But I wish to be along him and share his burdens just like he has for me for the past year.