Etsuko Sohma

It's always the same. I always go back. I always do. I feel broken. Torn open. Naked. Alone.


How long will this last?

I miss him. I admit it, I never let him go. He's still in there. I thought it was infatuation. It is still infatuation. Then.. why won't he leave? Why should he haunt my dreams? Why should he chase me down?

Everywhere I turn now, I hear his name, I see his name. I figured that... he's going to the same high school as me. I hate this. I tried talking to Yuheng about this. But I didn't want to... be the one that spoils his happiness. I don't want to be like that.

I want to have someone by my side to talk to. Maybe someone like Lillian... maybe Joan... but... they never seem interested in what I do. They're just there.

Miss McGarrity once told me that I'm popular. I contradicted her and said I was not. I am not. I'm just a pitiful person out there. Laying... waiting... praying...

I wish him happiness whenever I can. I do not pay attention to other things. He's always there. I never let him go. I know all this love will not be returned.

But I just can't let go.